I left it all to find myself…
and ended up becoming the love of my own life!
Your relationship with yourself sets the bar and the tone for every other relationship that you have. On this Self Love Sunday, I want to remind you that it’s NOT selfish to have and maintain a relationship with yourself. So many of us have been brainwashed by society that we have to put other people first to be a good friend, mom, partner or even a good HUMAN... nah, that’s just how “they” win. “They” teach you to keep yourself on the back burner even while you’re being the whole BACKBONE.
It’s time to Unlearn all of that. It’s time to challenge what “they” have said and made us believe. Why? Because it’s impossible to be everything for everybody, and even if you try, it only leaves you exhausted and bitter… and forgotten. I know because I’ve been there.
One day in 2012 I decided that the life I was living wasn’t my own. Yeah, it looked ideal AF—I had the fancy job in the nuclear engineering world, the huge house, the expensive car, the seemingly perfect-on-the-outside marriage—but it belonged to the girl that let societal conditioning, fear and expectations shape her dreams and reality instead of leaning into what set her Soul On Fire. After years of feeling like I was on the back burner—a back-up option—I made a conscious decision to set out On a Mission to Live Life on my own terms and intentionally pursue true joy and fulfillment… MY WAY.
I walked away from a career, lifestyle and marriage to Find Myself. At the time, I had no clue that I would eventually become The Love Of My Life… It wasn’t always easy or glamorous but it’s definitely been WORTH IT and now I’m in a position to pass the torch and help other Women See Themselves, Be Themselves and Free Themselves.
At my core I love seeing people bet on themselves, step into their power and gifts and let go of the expectations of others. I know how much it has transformed my entire life and I want the same for you. So, on this Self Love Sunday, I want to empower you to be the love of your own life by showing you how I did it for myself.
Step One: Forgive-First up, I started by offering myself forgiveness and then others. Is it hard? Hell Yes. Is it necessary? Umm Hell yes. You can’t truly step into your power without embracing forgiveness. Ya’ll I did not do this step alone. I sought traditional and non-traditional forms of therapy and support to help me reframe and unpack.
Step Two: Give Yourself Permission-Next, I gave myself Permission to question everything that I’ve been taught, and then I went about defining things for myself based on my OWN feelings, experiences, wants and desires. Everything that we’re taught benefits someone or something somewhere, so question it all. Ask yourself: who benefits from me believing this? If the answer isn't you, question that shit.
Step Three: Learn to Sit With Yourself and Your Emotions-My daily mediation practice has been lifesaving, life giving and life affirming… and then some. It helps me to tap in, tune in, turn on and maintain my glow from the inside out. I started out just sitting for a few minutes a day and built from there. I also had to learn to sit with my emotions, and really feel them vs. suppressing/ignoring/bypassing them. I learned all the hard and messy lessons without being a victim, and I put myself first despite what others thought.
Game changer… that’s how you truly heal, and YES I had help.
Step Four: Ask For What You Want -As I grew in Self Love I also grew in self-awareness and self-trust, I started releasing everything that no longer served me and I started asking for what I wanted. One day I even randomly showed up at a Buddhist nunnery and literally asked them to work with me… and they did.
Step Five: HAVE FUN! Prioritize Your Joy and Happiness- I made myself solely responsible for my happiness. I also began dating myself. I started traveling alone, and fell in LOVE with being my own company, going to the places that I wanted to visit, places that spoke to my soul. I’ve always loved dining alone, sitting alone at a table, happy AF, ordering whatever I want and staying as long as I want!
Now, I want to be clear—none of this happened overnight but I was committed, fully committed, to doing the work and showing up for myself and my dreams every day. Today, I continue to put in the work daily to realize my dreams and become all of me because this journey of coming home to myself, showing up for myself, being myself and choosing myself is never over—it’s a lifelong journey that I happily continue every day. It’s how I maintain this love affair, this resilience, this confidence, and this joy.
My hope for you…. whether you’re single, in a relationship or somewhere in between, I hope you’ll choose you and begin your own journey of self-awareness, self-trust, and self-love.
King Moe